Jul 11, 2022

Wake up! Worthy or The Bucket of Shit again?

Part 4 of 7

There are those times when we do things that are perhaps not for our highest good and aligned with our happiness! Afterwards, we feel guilt and shame, and ultimately, we judge ourselves. Well, I call that a big sabotage! Why do we unconsciously want to hurt ourselves time after time? It is to show us that we are once again defective and unlovable so to feed this garden of unhappiness, our ego. Do you ever make choices that aren't aligned with your best and run away to distractions or addictions to forget?

In each of the plays that we experience, we will have the possibility of living it to reproduce the same suffering and pain time after time, OR to choose to do otherwise to finally go towards healing. Is it easy? NOPE! However, by taking it one step at a time and by surrounding ourselves with the necessary resources, we can live this journey with gentleness and patience. The first step is to take a moment of introspection to reflect on our current state and go into our depth to observe the current situation. In this moment, what do we have to realize about all this?

In my healing process, I found myself asking “why?". Why didn't I listen to my intuition? Why didn't I have discernment or "boundaries"? Why had I allowed myself to be hurt so badly that I no longer recognized my own worth? Wow, a lot of questions, and I wanted to understand. The day came when I finally let go of all these questions to become aware of what was and to accept it. I realized the importance of "boundaries" in a healing journey. So I started listing the things I agree and disagree with in my life. From there, it was easier for me to make choices aligned with my well-being!

I also realized that I had a form of impulsiveness that was in me. I was making choices most of the time fast without much thinking about it. So, my discernment was kind of affected mostly in my romantic relationships. I started to change this habit by taking the time to take the time, to live my life spontaneously and not impulsively. And little by little, I savored life even more and I felt my self-love becoming greater and greater because my choices were more and more aligned towards my well-being thanks to my "boundaries"! My introspections and my wisdom were growing.

The third thing I invite you to be conscious about is your level of discernment. Compared to judgment, discernment is a state of being where one takes the time to consider different elements of a situation separately to arrive at a decision. My judgment was greatly affected in this abusive relationship, but I became aware of ways to improve it. So, I implemented a small process that made a lot of difference; whenever a problematic situation arose in my path, I began to write the problem down on paper to become fully aware of it. Once written and conscious, you feel released from this low energy and suddenly you are directed to an energy of creativity and inspiration that guides you towards solutions. This new direction brings us to make choices or decisions that are aligned with our highest good! This process allows us to see clearly and, above all, little by little it improves your internal strength and even your value! To conclude, discernment allows us to be more consistent with our reason for being and our values on a cognitive, somatic, emotional, and spiritual level.

By directing this discernment, we are inclined towards a better well-being and not towards judgment (especially of oneself). Will it stay the same? Nope! Sooner or later, you will become oblivious and make choices that are out of alignment with your well-being by going into distractions and addictions. The result, you will once again be in the "shit bucket"! However, if you go about, it gently, and gradually become aware of this state, you will accept that you go down into the “bucket” but you will come out of it eventually. Little by little, you will feel that you will be more patient and gentler with yourself by going less and less into this black hole and you will be more inclined to experience this beautiful healing. Stay aware of all this, because there are times that will be difficult, but the more you are surrounded by people who will support you in your efforts, therapists, and resources, the more you will feel in good hands. Your assurance, your efforts and your perseverance will bring you one step at a time towards your best version: your happiness!

Along this path of healing comes one day this important realization: The only boundary you need is your self-love. I realized that once our self-love is well integrated into our body, it becomes our one and only limit since our choices become aligned for our best and our happiness only and easily!

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