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Wake-up! Re-Unite with Your Self!

Part 6 of 7

PREAMBLE: It is important to mention again that these blogs were written to give courage, it is possible to come out of an abusive and/or toxic relationship. Relationships can be with oneself or any type of interpersonal relationship. And to give tools be more conscious about the state of our relationship and to share resources to live a healthier life.

When a romantic relationship begins, everything is super beautiful because it's a kind of honeymoon. This is how this last relationship was; a beautiful honeymoon for the first year. However, I felt it was more than that! There was this beautiful complicity, a spiritual recognition that I had never experienced before, and I felt that I had found this man that I had been looking for for so long! This relationship was an intense and deep love that invaded every fiber of my being. It was dotted with intuitive signs that showed me that it was a very deep spiritual relationship, either a twin soul relationship or a karmic relationship, but whatever! However, my intuition was telling me “watch out!”. I certainly did not want to listen to this little voice because I thought I had found the man of my life! Have you ever had that feeling of not listening to your intuition?

So in this burst of great love, I was blinded by everything that could happen there; there was no vigilance, no alarm, nothing. I had incredible confidence in him, blind confidence. Everything was going very fast! At that moment, he was the man with whom I wanted to end my days on this Earth. I did everything to please him, to meet his needs, and to take care of him - so much so that he was telling me he had never been so well taken care of and that he didn't know how to handle all this love I was giving him.

This kind of relationship, romantic or any other interpersonal relationship, can blind us, and you unconsciously choose to become malleable. You are like a piece of aluminum foil with which somebody can do almost anything he/she want; you submit often to the other’s happiness or to provide for the other’s needs. Then comes a day when you wake up because you looked yourself in the mirror and you don’t recognize yourself anymore!

In all humility, yes, it happened to me! The one who had worked hard to be where she was, with a nice big toolbox including lots of resources of all kinds and who had put a lot of effort and time into her own healing. I conveyed in this life with a certain internal strength because yes, I had already gone through many life experiences which had allowed me to strengthen my interior and to heal many things and, above all, to live my daily life more consciously.

However, because I needed revival, life wanted it otherwise. After this experience, I became aware of a lot. Above all, I can understand and relate with a person going through an abusive relationship by having this great empathy because fear hold of us, our confidence is damaged and we do not perceive our worth because we allow ourselves, yes, we allow ourselves, to be in this whirlwind of manipulation, lies, drama and control! We no longer see clearly and all we want is to fix somehow what is wrong with the other. It is as if you are under the influence of the other and his manipulation. You feel more and more guilty and helpless, and you doubt yourself more and more. Your fear grows more and more, because as soon as he raises his voice or you feel that he is going to have a fit, you are on your guard and often, you are in survival mode. You feel that this relationship is full of unhealthy moments, but you stay because in some way you think that the other will improve.

The worst thing is that you are gradually losing your confidence, your value, and your self-love. It becomes a vicious circle. You make tons of scenarios to leave but you stay because fear and lack of courage take hold of you! Sometimes, you feel like it is impossible to get out of this relationship…and yes, I can totally understand! But, with a lot of help and planning to secure yourself, it is possible to get out.

During the healing, I recognized my share of responsibility because I took the time to become aware of all that had happened during this relationship. I did this not to nourish this past but to heal. However, at first, I was mostly angry with myself and ashamed for allowing myself to be subjected to this abusive treatment. After few months after the separation, I was a traumatized woman, deep in her "Bucket of shit " who didn't even know if I wanted to stay on this earth because every fiber of my body hurt and the incapacity of finding solutions was at its greatest level of intensity!

One step at a time, I took the means to heal and rebuild my body. Despite the pain that I felt, I committed myself to my healing and I told myself that I was going to heal deeply this time and I was going to invest my time and all my energy in it. I wanted to integrate this healing to the depths of my being. I was completely determined to stay alone to take this painful path because there were many steps to go through since I was coming out not only of an abusive relationship but also of the romantic relationship of my life.

From then on, I began to distance myself from all forms of distractions or addictions that could interfere with my own healing, and I began to seek external and internal resources to take care of myself in all spheres. I wanted to get back on my feet on all levels; emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual. I healed this post traumatic syndrome using a technique in psychotherapy and I channeled (in fact, I channeled several techniques during this whole process) an acceptance technique that I am currently using in my practice for people who want to deeply heal various situations; people experience, and I observe extraordinary, even miraculous results!

Thought acceptance there is forgiveness and the release of blocked energies which express themselves as multiple emotions. These blocked energies come from traumas that, as people, we have experienced during our childhood, either in intense and severe form or in the form of repetitive situations. A separation between body and soul intensifies over time to build a self-image that is a form of protection. This image is a disconnection with our soul. In our adult lives, these blocked energies are repeatedly triggered by various situations until one day we no longer recognize who we authentically are. We feel lost! This is when we have a choice: to remain asleep with a lot of distractions and addictions or to become aware of our condition and move towards healing. And that was my choice; to heal not only this last relationship but also all the life experiences that have come my way.

I have a lot of gratitude and appreciation. As a soul, we come on Earth to borrow a house - our body - to live experiences according to our choices. Yes, we all are responsible! Being responsible is our ability to respond to this life. We respond to this life with our free choice. When our choices are not aligned with our highest good, we reap that unhappiness that is the result of the seed of that choice. However, each day gives us the opportunity to choose otherwise. It's a new beginning!

Once we become aware of this, our lives take another turn because we cannot blame anyone but ourselves for our choices and life experiences. Everything is deeply just between us and our choices! This is where the deepest healing happens when we finally arrive at this realization. We just feel free to decide for our highest good and the only boundaries who exist is our self-love. This is unconditional love for us and this is our way towards our full potential.

I am grateful for this life. Thank you to all the people who came on my path to either allow me to grow and to heal or to make me feel your love, your comforting presence, your empathy, and your compassion. A big thank you to this last play (my last romantic relationship) because I finally took the time to be aware of my interior and to see life differently. Our souls had a big contract in this lifetime, and I will always be deeply grateful as I made the choice to heal!

It remains for all of you to choose where you want to be: In the " bucket of shit" OR to take this healing process of awareness towards a deep reconnection with your soul, one day at a time, with gentleness, patience and, above all, with lots of love! And you, What do you want now?

At IntegraSoul, we are in service for your well-being and your best version yet!

All right reserved.

Carole Noël

Energy medecine & Counselling


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